I have always wanted to visit the east coast. There is something so romantic and appealing to me about beach grass and flimsy fences on the sand. I blame Nicholas Sparks and all of his heart-breaking romance novels.
Even though it was January and sitting on the beach in North Carolina required blankets, jackets and hot, hot coffee, it was as beautiful as I imagined it to be.
I sat one morning, staring over the Atlantic ocean for the first time, the air crisp, the wind stinging my eyes, watching the waves roll in and working really hard to be in the moment. I snapped a few pictures knowing that the full extent would be lost on a digital screen, but wanting to freeze the moment in time anyway. That time at the beach was a tremendous gift to me. There is nothing in the world that I had done to be invited there.
I was chosen.
I’ve always wanted to be chosen. I’ve always wanted to be wanted. I’ve always searched for my place and envied those who had theirs. I’ve looked at women who have risen up from multitudes and I’ve lusted after their charisma and careers, imagining how amazing it must be to walk around with mantles like theirs on my shoulders.
I was chosen.
This place that I get to sit in, this thing I have been chosen for, I don’t know where it will go or what it will be, and I don’t kid myself into thinking that I am anything special because I am here, in fact I’m still wondering how this even happened. Why do I get to be a part of something so beautiful and exciting? Am I really supposed to be here? Do I have what it takes to pull this off?
It comes with a responsibility to hold fiercely to something with open hands. That sentence makes my head hurt.
Being chosen comes with the knowledge that there may now be people looking at me thinking, “Why wasn’t I chosen?” That sentence makes my heart hurt.
Sometimes when I look at the things that sit on the banquet table before me I want to go back to the unchosen moments because they require so much less from me. They require no stepping period. But this is the year of beyond, and the Lord is not wasting time with His pursuit of that word in my life. I said yes to Him and to my dreams and now I have been chosen to move beyond the safety net of my home, my life and my work, and to expose my heart in ways that most people would shy away from.
That quick trip to the beach solidified some of the things the Lord has been saying to me, and it cemented some relationships in my heart that I am still in awe of. But most importantly, it’s where I truly decided that going beyond the norm is something I actually want to do. That being chosen is worth all of the hard work and dedication to being real and vulnerable.
Over the next few weeks I am writing some guest posts that will dive in deeply to that real and vulnerable work, more so than I ever have before. Look for them on Facebook and Twitter, and I pray that as I share as a woman being put back together from the broken places I have been, that you will hear words that bring hope and healing to your own hearts. That a ‘me too’ will rise in you so strong that you’ll be able to stand on top of your own story and speak of the Lord’s healing and grace in your own life, and that most of all, you’ll see that you, too, have been chosen.