I’ve been walking through a lot with the Father the past few weeks (still am), and everything that has been coming up in my life lately, be it a sermon, songs, or a revelation, has come back to the cross. In part 1, I revealed the warped image that the enemy had planted in my head about all of the ‘crap at the cross,’ and then how the Father showed me what it’s really like there — a fresh slate every time. Because He loves us, He doesn’t hold on to our sin and remind us about it every time we come to him.
Once I got a clearer picture of the cross, I realized that even though I’ve said it probably a thousand times in my life, if not more, I have really struggled with the idea that Jesus died for me. I’m not worth that price, you see. I am a sinner, and I have failed, I am failing, and I will fail. I am weak and gross, and my heart is covered in this nasty funk that Jesus doesn’t need to be around. I am not valuable enough to be the recipient of such a sacrifice. No way. Why would He do that when He knew I would just disappoint Him?
It’s amazing to me how easily Satan twists the truth into a very attractive lie. Did you see it? “I would just disappoint Him.” Because sin disappoints God, right? God can’t be where sin is, and we are full of sin. We sin every day. We are sinners. As I allowed those statements to seep into my heart, I accepted, with tears and thankfulness that even though Jesus knew I was going to disappoint Him, He still loves me, He still died for me. Even though I would fail, He decided to take pity on me, and give me something that I didn’t deserve. That makes you feel good doesn’t it (that’s sarcasm by the way)?
This morning, as we walked through some past experiences, the Father gave me a more truthful interpretation of what I have been seeing about Jesus’ sacrifice.
More than the truth that you would make mistakes, I knew the truth that you would make Me proud. More than the knowledge that you would fall short, I knew that you would overcome. More than pitying you, I showed mercy and gave you the chance to choose Me, the chance to please Me, and by the power of the Holy Spirit which is alive in you, you have pleased Me. You have overcome.
(read it again if you have to.)
I now see that my triumphs weigh more than my failures do. I would love to say that I triumph more than I fail, but honestly I don’t want to try and gauge that. The point is that the Father does not hold on to our sin. He sees our struggle and he rejoices in our victories, more than He despairs over our failures. It’s as if I have been believing that every time I fail Him, He says, “See? That’s why I had to give up my only Son. Because of that right there.” But my picture is flipped now and instead, I see myself overcoming and I hear Him saying, “See? That’s why I gave my only Son! Because of that right there! Without His sacrifice, you could never have triumphed over that!”
What a joy!!!!!!!! Because of the cross, and the gift of the Holy Spirit, we are overcomers! I don’t know why it’s taken me almost 33 years to really start to get it, and I know, because I know myself, that there is still a long road ahead, and that I will make unnecessary detours and I’ll trip and stumble, but I will get up. I will continue to please my Father because I will continue to overcome.
The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17 NIV
Romans 8 is an amazing chapter, and if any of this has hit home for you like it has me, I strongly urge you to spend some time there, but if, for whatever reason, you can’t, just look at everything that you feel is pulling you from the Father, everything you feel like you are under right now and then read this verse:
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. – Romans 8:37 NIV
Like I said, this is still something I’m in the middle of journeying through and even as I read through this again, it is difficult to really believe it. By no means do I have everything figured out — but if you’ve spent any amount of time on this blog, I think you know that *wink wink*. I share out of the depth of my heart because for so long I believed that I was alone in what I was feeling in many different areas of my life and now that I know that’s not true, I want to be a support to anyone else who struggles with the things I do. I love it when I get responses from you that say “EXACTLY” because I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. If this post, or any post here really hits the nail on the head in your life, I would really love it if you shared it. It’s not about exposure, while that’s awesome, it’s really about making a difference in people’s lives. That’s why I write everything that I write.