The last few weeks have been very strange and I haven’t had much of anything to write about because my days have been filled with wiping and re-wiping counters, scurrying around to vanquish the evidence of the millipedes that have invaded North Texas, and arranging accent items *just so*, all in an effort to make my home beautiful and drool worthy to the buyers who are looking at it.
It’s absolutely exhausting — not just the cleaning. Actually, it turns out, that if I spend about thirty minutes straightening up every morning, and if my husband stands like a Sergeant at the top of the stairs before the kids go to bed, the house stays relatively clean. Who knew!?
What’s really exhausting is the waiting game. I drop the kids off at school, run around the house doing what needs to be done, hiding what needs to be hid, and then I wait for the phone to chime with a showing request. Sometimes I wait all day, afraid that if I leave to do an errand that will take longer than an hour, we’ll get a request and I’ll have to turn around to go home, grab the dog and turn on all the lights. So I wait.
Inevitably, the days where I have things to do and say to myself, “well no one is going to come today,” and I skimp on the cleaning are the days when we have requests. So I drop everything and sweat like a mad womman to get everything looking perfect in under an hour so the dog and I can make ourselves scarce.
I’m so thankful both of the kids are in school right now. What a nightmare it would be to have one of them home right now! I’ve thought about writing a “Julie’s Tips for Showing Your Home” post but the only thing I can come up with right now is “DON’T!” and that’s just not very helpful.
My home is spotless and my kids are learning the art of putting their clothes INTO the laundry basket instead of on the floor, but my heart has been severely neglected and it’s starting to show. While my emotions have chilled out a little ( a little. My husband would probably say they’ve gotten worse, but he doesn’t see all the hours I’m not crying . . . ;)), my stress levels are through the roof some days. I am currently having one of those moments when just the sound of my children’s voices are driving me crazy. LOVE THEM. But shhhhhhh Mommy’s trying not to snap!
This weekend my oldest broke a huge chunk off of his front (permanent) tooth and I Absolutely. Lost. My. Mind. I went from zero to “He’ll never have a normal life again” in about two seconds and I stayed there for three hours. After talking me off the ledge of my insanity, my husband made an executive decision and forced me to watch a huge hunk of a man in a cape vanquish the evils that plagued the nine realms of our world. He (my husband, not the man in the cape) knows me so well. A good super hero movie was exactly what I needed to take my mind off of everything that has been weighing me down. Too bad Thor couldn’t fix my son’s tooth.
I feel like I’ve been bandaging up all these stress wounds and just soldiering on like a good daughter, following through with what was asked of me, no matter what toll it’s taking.
I’m still having to remind myself of the truth that the Father showed me in this song, which is this: There is nothing bigger than Him. There is nothing more important than Him and in Him is everything that I need. I have been doing this whole moving/showing thing on my own, I have been busting my butt trying to make everything perfect, but ultimately, nothing I can do will get the job done. It will get done when and because He wants it to. My whole purpose is just to seek Him and what He has for me during this time, and I’ve been doing a very very poor job of that lately.
I have to admit that even after this revelation last week, I have not made much progress, especially after the tooth debacle. Looking back at how far gone I was on Sunday, I feel horrible; it was like I trampled all over all of the amazing things God has given and done for us and said that none of it mattered because now there was just one more thing on my plate to deal with.
My favorite lyric from that song is “I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore.” I’ve pretty much just been sitting like a buoy out in the middle of the ocean, hoping the shore finds me eventually. I realize now that I’m missing out completely on the goodness of this season; there are gifts in these moments and I’m letting myself get swallowed up by the things that are supposed to help make me a better person, a better daughter.
I am restless, looking for you, Lord. Time to start running for the shore.